In three weeks... or so...

We've found a place to live which will be available for move in mid-September.
It has AIR CONDITIONING!!!
It's also walking distance from the dog park and kid park that we used to take Sunshine and Jackson to all the time. This is the same park that Fe and Lil1 used to play at.
It's also all the way across town from either of the two grocery stores that we'll shop at. (This is a very good thing because it will help keep the desire to go shopping every day down. But is also close enough that we won't cry when we get low on something two days after getting groceries.)
It's in the town we used to live in, before we decided to try mountain life, so we know where we will and will not shop. New W*lm*rt? Yes. Old Kroger's? yes. Old W*lm*rt? Maybe, sometimes. Definitely has some good points - like our favorite hair-stylist, MAYBE our old pharmacist (we haven't found her since she left the T*rg*t (She was the only reason we used said pharmacy)). New Kroger's? Well... rather not, but if necessary, maybe. Safeway, right down the road? NO. NO No no. (Smells like rotting fish, even at the St*rB*cks inside, otherwise, it sometimes smells like being next in line at a well-used poorly-maintained port-a-potty: Poorly lit, Food is never quite fresh, Veggie options are usually lacking. Not shopping there.)
It has AIR CONDITIONING!!!
It's right on the outer edge of town. There are more homes and businesses, farther away from town center, but this place is on the outer edge of this side of town. The place bloomed in every other direction, but this side of town just didn't. From our new place, I think (if it's the one I think it is), we will be able to see country/a little mountains from any window.
It's near "down town" (it's a very small town).
It's near the rec center.
The nearest trash drop is NOT three miles away, uphill, closed on Mondays. In fact, it's in the parking lot!
Did I mention? It has AIR CONDITIONING!!!

The bad? We don't get to see inside until we go to sign the lease. This has MommyT sweating a little. I can only think of EVERYTHING's ability to go wrong, but we'll be OK. It's not like we didn't live a whole month in a tiny hotel room with no pool for a month this summer... Right?

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We've recently discovered that if Fe's first family moves away, ICWA might get really, Really, REALLY ICKY again. They might take her back to tribal lands and away from us.

I'm scared.

I'm livid.

We did this only because they said PERMANENT custody. Having her taken to tribal land, broke our hearts and made connecting to Sunshine a little... more challenging than it could have been (not that she made it easy). Having her taken away again after Sunshine has put in all this work... I mean, LMS, who, lets remember, has RAD and DOES NOT LIKE OR WANT to attach to anyone, is fighting to bond with this child (who has LMS's therapist (and us) pretty convinced that she has RAD too) who is fighting being bonded with or bonding... If they give LMS another loss in her tiny little life... I don't even know what to say about that.
And now, we learn that permanent may only last as long as middle school... if that. An already often painful, trying, scary time, but then kids move on, and so might Fe... Ironically, that may be it. She might end up with us only through middle school, which will already be middle school, and she will start to "bloom" (oh, godhelpusall because she's going to grow to be as gorgeous as a model) and she will start to process through all the CRAP she went through before we met her, and all the crap she went through after she left us three years ago.
In the mean time, we go back to Foster Parent Brain, doing everything we can, home schooling to catch her up past first grade levels, de-medicating(???) her (which we have already succeeded in), and showing her that people love her and will work for her and she is worth effort and time and patience, but... In the back of our heads, and always in our hearts we know ...in our heads, "permanent" is, apparently, nothing to ICWA and they may call us tomorrow wanting to come get her (we will. not. take her back. If you want to screw up her whole sense of safety and stability, you come get her. She probably won't be packed. She will know you're coming. She won't understand. You told her forever. We won't help this time. We won't make it easy for you. I can almost guarantee, she will not, ever, trust you.)
Hopefully, while we get to have her, she will learn some self-respect and common sense and self control and self-preservation (I'm really scared of this part because WOW. The child doesn't have any and she could be in BIG trouble if she doesn't grow some. (even SUNSHINE's jaw dropped when Fe said "but she said she was nice and... she had a really cute PUPPY!"))
So... Yeah...

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The girls start school next week. Fe and Sunshine will both be in 2nd grade math, learning to count money, most of the rest of Fe's courses will be 3rd grade level (unless we discover that she is not able to excel at that, in which case they will put her in LMS's class(es)) except for non-cores, which will be 5th grade. Sunshine will be in second grade everything. She ended up finishing First grade with E's in everything. Basically, the child got (very fought for) "straight A's". Good job Sunshine, AWESOME job MommaM!!!