What to do, what to do...

Sigh... Sunshine is having... trouble. We've been taking her to the Boys and Girls Club (BGCA)  in our area for a few hours three times a week. It's a nice break for us. Kinda. Sunshine... has not been well socialized in the past four years... She is having trouble adapting to being around other children and playing nicely. She's not sure how to deal with the other kids not always being nice, not playing fairly, and not really liking being followed around like they have a new (child-size) puppy. But she's getting to see other children interact and socialize.
There's a child there (for the this entry we will call them "R") who, according to our "keen eyes" we think may be or have been in a hard place. Either she or Sunshine may be doing some "light" bullying from Sunshine's reports, and they always seem to be around each other against the others' will. Both have complained to the staff about the other following them around. And we already know that Sunshine has given R money because "she told her she had to," along with varied complaints about R following Sunshine around constantly including into the bathroom and just hanging out in there until after Sunshine left. Of course, there are also constant complaints of other children being mean to Sunshine in various ways ranging from name calling to teasing. Never any violence from any direction. As of yesterday, we've learned that R isn't allowed to hang out in the bathrooms because of carious issues that they can't be completely transparent on.
Today, after a write up earlier this week for swearing and kicking at someone (which she claimed was in complete play), Sunshine was suspended for 7 days because she either swatted at, slapped, or punched, depending on who you ask, another child (NOT, in either case, R), because she "did't like what she said at her".
It's super hard because Sunshine hasn't been well socialized. She had one year of preschool four years ago, then we started "public homeschooling" for kindergarten, during which we learned about MommyT's crap, then we moved into the boonies mountains 45 miles away from civilization for two years. We have worked very diligently to form a relationship with this (now-eight-years-old) two-year-old who doesn't still doesn't seen to trust us as far as she can throw us (and we're not small women) but who is working very hard at fixing her issues.
That problem lies in that Sunshine, on many days, could not tell the truth to save her life. She still wants to be better. She wants to have and be friends. She wants to grow up to be "a girl cop".
We have trouble believing that she is being bullied, and not being the bully. We have trouble believing that she is not bullying. We have trouble believing that BGCA is or, the other possibility. is not, good for Sunshine. She is violent on some days, she is the sweetest little angel on others. She is violent, vile, and abusive some days (often more than not right now)... Unless,of course, she's being sweet, caring, gentle and loving... On any given day it could go one of those two ways at any point... the big tell that it's going to go one of those ways, is whether she wakes up or not. Thus far, it has always been one of those... Unless it's gone both. For Sunshine there doesn't seem to be a middle ground... Always, always, always, she's struggling to be in control of every one and every thing. When we eat, when we go to the bathroom, when we get a break, when we leave, when we get home, when we do anything...She is striving whole heartedly to have control.
So what do we do here? stop going... but that's the only break we get, like, EVER. We don't really get time off, a break, a sitter, respite, anything. We need to have a breath, just a couple of hours to go shopping, try on a pair of pants, have lunch, or even just sit and watch a TV show, to be even mediocre parents to Sunshine and now, Fe... and what if she can't handle public school around other kids because we're not going to be able to keep home schooling forever because neither of us   feels capable of teaching her anything...So maybe we should keep going? But what if this is really not ideal for her and we're not protecting her just like all the other parents she's have?
Sigh...