Tonight.

Sucked.

Sunshine had a bad enough meltdown that she probably should have been in the hospital more than once.

I had taken Sunshine  to her appt today, and her therapist(Lisa) is concerned with Sunshine 's behaviors lately. In our talk after, she told me that she was concerned about the calls we made about Sunshine's behavior and we might need to escalate before Sunshine does it for us. ***Sunshine wasn't even in the room while we were whispering in the lobby waiting for Sunshine to come back from the bathroom***.

Apparently, Sunshine is "pissed off" at me because I talk too much, which is hilarious because I'm the quietest person in the house. I'm left wondering tonight if when she's making bad choices she starts to hear the ghost of my voice singing to her (You are sa-fe, you are lo-ved, you/we can handle this") or something because that can go on for a VERY long time.

Last week she had a tough day or two at school - I signed a new release of info tonight while we were talking just to make SURE that didn't run out. Now that Lisa brought it up; Sunshine's testing us to see what it will take.  

After this afternoon (oh yeah, I stopped back there for a break because I didn't feel safe driving with Sunshine's behavior and I sort of wanted her to see the reality of what we're dealing with instead of just our talking through it - AKA, I was mad and wanted someone else to validate that I SHOULD BE MAD).

Lisa's saying things like *hospital* and *police*. That's when she started talking about her concerns.

Anywho, she blew up today and I ended stopping back at Lisa's office and interrupted her on the phone because of the degree of Sunshine's issue.

Lisa admitted that she's "getting worried" and "doesn't like" many of the behaviors Sunshine is starting to escalate to. [[She's more serious about it and not naive to Sunshine's reality, those were just the... "less chilling" words she put it with her eyes communicating what she meant ]](apparently the phone call I interrupted was SO calling to tell Lisa what was going on and ask for advice). Now that her therapist brought it up today; she's testing us to see what it will take.

It's such a tightrope walk that we are now going to be on... We didn't tonight bse. We both knew it was just a test to see how much attention she could get. We did a good job of keeping control of the situation and not letting her have her way... now I'm regretting it. She's probably going to keep escalating until we give... and then she's going to see what it will take again and again until the only thing that won't get a mental health call for her is sneezing.

Did I mention that Tonight Sucked?

Well, Tonight SUCKED!

Yes, I know this is all mixed up and my brain catches what it can and then moves on and...

TONIGHT SUCKED!!!!