In the last weeks she has packed her little bags to leave us, cried in my arms that she loves us, but misses people, threatened to shoot me in the face when she is growed up, so that she won't be in our family anymore either, cried for the baby bird egg she smashed accidentally when a nest was in her way. I wish I had handled it better. I mean I didn't yell when she threatened to " kill me with a gun when she growed up." I just calmly informed her that even in death, I would love her forever. I told her that I would know her heart was just too hurt, and that I would still love her, but that I wouldn't be here to help and comfort her and that she would end up in jail and that would be sad. She became angry that I wasn't crying, and I told her that I knew she was sad inside, and that my heart hurt for her and I would try to help if she could tell me what was bothering her, but when she just kept throwing things at me, I lost it. I yelled. I asked her what was wrong with her. Told her that I couldn't help her if she would not talk to me. What is wron with ME? I knew better than to try and reason with a traumatized 7 year old. *sigh*Not my finest moment. But last night was EPIC.
She started spiraling up. Then she just stopped and cried in my arms that she loves us, and then said the most heart breaking thing...In tears she says." I really love you, but I wish I had never left the mommy who borned me, because then All those people would not have been scary and hurted me." Wow... Shame on me for not seeing this sooner. But what came next was a reward I could not possible deserve. LMS looked right into my eyes and gave me eskimo kisses. They came with the most beautiful and genuine giggles. Best 5 minutes in my whole freaking life!!
For that LMS and yesterday get a freakin 10! BREAKTHROUGH!
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