Because I'm five years old

-MOMMMmeeeeeee
-what do you want Sunshine?
-I have something!
-Go to BED Sunshine.
-Cheerfully: I can't! I need a hearing aide!
rushing back to her room where she has not been sleeping, where the bed is turned up against the window on its side and the bedding is in a pile in the opposite corner of -the room: WHAT?!?!?
-I put it in my ear!
-You put *what* in your ear???
-Something I shouldn't have!
Take her out of her room, look in her ear. Sure enough. It's small, it's roundish, and it's in her ear. Completely.
-Why did you put something in your ear Sunshine?
-Because I'm five years old.
My eye twitches.
All the adults in the house try to extract the item, which we now know is a "butterfly", from her ear, all afraid to push it in deeper. Finally I say enough. I take her to the Emergency Room, calling the HUB on the way. We sit in the ER for an HOUR. She is happy and cheerful.
I do not let her get out of her chair, read anything, play with anything, or talk.
She stays happy and cheerful.
And alert.
SO ALERT.
She is listed at this hospital by her new name and Mommy name, a first, because her name hasn't been changed legally yet, only her Medicaid. But when asked her last name, she proudly and adamantly announces her new name. When her old last name is mentioned, she makes stink face and says NO MORE. ---I'm *new name* now!
I'm tired but also amused. Luckily too tired to show my amusement.
She is SO PROUD of herself for getting out of bed, for going to the hospital in the middle of the night, for getting to have everyone look at her and call her cute. (She is SO.DAMNED.CUTE... It's a curse. People can't see the defiant, manipulative, obstinacy underneath.)
Finally, the doctor comes in and pulls the wall decal out of her ear. It's big. Almost an inch long. But no damage is done. No blood.
She's still so perky.
The doctors reiterate For the third time, that she is to put nothing in her ear, her nose, her eyes, her v@gina, etc.
-I will! I think it's a good thing! I like to come to the hospital!
I can see the "crap" look on the doctors face.
I roll my eyes.
We get checked out.
I drive her home.
I give her her nightly meds, the middle of the night ones. I carry her to her room.
She laughs and kicks and rolls on the floor as I try to remove her shoes. NO... PLEASE... DON'T!! she yells while sobbing. It's completely fake. She's trying to make me uncomfortable so I will let her stay up longer.
It doesn't work.I put her in her room.
-I don't care where you sleep, just do so.
-NO!
I shut the door and walk out.
I think she's asleep now.

I am SO GLAD that we drop her off at respite tomorrow and then her grandma will pick her up and keep her overnight.